Can the Body Just Stop Keeping Score?

There are days when healing feels like a full-time job.

Some mornings, I wake up and think, “Not today, please. Not another breakthrough. Not another ‘lesson.’ Can the body just stop keeping score?”

If you’ve read "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D., then you probably know exactly what I mean. The book describes how trauma embeds itself not just in memory, but in muscle tension, in our posture, in the nervous system. The body remembers traumatic events even when we don’t. It’s an incredible and validating concept for those of us who have survived trauma. Dr. Kolk has articulated what survivors have felt: something deeper than memory is carrying the weight of our pain.

And... I’m tired.

Living a self-examined life is one thing. Living under a microscope is another.
 Even the noble pursuit of healing can start to feel like a trap if we never take a break from the constant scanning of body awareness.

I’ve been walking the path of healing for decades. I’ve explored trauma through psychotherapy, massage therapy, psychiatry, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), regression, experiential learning, John Barnes's myofascial release, acupuncture, acupressure, color therapy, Reiki, art therapy, role-play, yoga, somatic practices, group work, journaling... an endless list of modalities which you can read about in my seemingly-never-to-be-finished memoir.

I’ve peeled back layer after layer of my emotional onion (to borrow a metaphor from Alan Watts), expecting to find some core truth. But as Watts warns us: “When you peel an onion and you don't know the nature of an onion, you might look for the pit in the center.” There is no core. No pit. Just more layers. So sometimes it helps to step back and look at the bigger picture so we can remember that there is no "there" there. And that the journey of living is what makes up a life.

The Cost of Always Keeping Score

Having worked as an Emotional Resilience Coach in the past, I know that emotional resilience is about choosing how we respond to stress and adversity. It’s about rewiring our nervous system to respond rather than react (remember, "responsible people respond"). But sometimes I don’t want to be emotionally resilient.
 Sometimes I want to be emotionally unavailable. Just for a weekend, I want to opt out of the work. 
I want to stop tracing every reaction back to my childhood. 
I want to stop wondering if my headache is from tension or from trauma.
 I want to eat the greasy, artificially-flavored chips while binging Netflix without analyzing my attachment style.

It’s not that I want to give up on healing. It’s just that I want to rest from it. 
Because while the road to building resilience reminds us how deeply we hold our trauma, it doesn’t always remind us that it’s okay to pause once in awhile. These pauses matter. The pauses give the lessons time to sink in and integrate into our daily lives and relationships. Allow me to expound...

Why Taking Breaks Matters

Taking breaks from self-discovery doesn’t mean we are giving up on healing. It means recognizing that healing isn't a race or a checklist. It’s a lifelong process that requires balance. Here are some reasons why stepping back helps us heal:

• Prevents burnout - Constantly analyzing emotions and behaviors can drain mental and emotional energy. Breaks help us recharge. Especially if you're an introvert, like me.

• Allows integration - Healing insights need time to settle-in and become part of daily life. Without pauses, new lessons might not fully integrate.

• Supports self-compassion - Self-compassion (or SC, as my former co-founder used to say) gives us permission to rest. It's an act of kindness. It acknowledges that healing is hard work.

• Encourages presence - Sometimes, focusing less on self-help and more on simple pleasures helps us reconnect with the present moment. This is especially true for me when I am allowing myself to just be, without over-analyzing my actions/thoughts/feelings.

It's okay to just "be" and stop keeping score

How to Take a Break Without Losing Progress

Taking a break doesn’t necessarily mean abandoning your healing work. It means shifting focus temporarily to allow space for rest, renewal, and reprieve. Here are some strategies that work for me:

• Set boundaries around self-help activities - Limit time spent on therapy, journaling, or somatic practices. For example, choose specific days or hours for these activities and keep the rest of the time free. If something difficult comes up, I will write it down and tell myself, "Something to talk about during therapy."

• Engage in activities that bring joy without self-critique - Watch a favorite TV show, play video games, cook a comforting meal, or spend time in nature without dissecting my feelings. I just let the feelings come and go and flow through me, rather than analyzing everything.

• Practice mindfulness without judgment - Focus on breathing or sensory experiences without trying to fix or understand emotions. I will go for a walk and just notice the things around me... the sounds of the birds, the smells of neighbors cooking, the feeling of my feet inside my shoes on the sidewalk... I try to let them pass innocuously as I blend into the background.

• Connect with supportive people - Spend time with friends or family who offer companionship without turning conversations into therapy sessions. I start our hangout sesh letting the other person know, that I don't want their input how to fix my Challenge Of The Moment, I just want to keep the conversation light and superficial.

• Allow yourself to feel tired - Recognize that emotional exhaustion is normal and doesn’t mean failure. Seven years ago marked some pretty intense grief in my life, which lasted for about 5 miserable years. I resisted naps, even though my therapist kept telling me to take 2 naps a day because I felt like a lazy sloth. Eventually, I got over that hurdle and she was right! Napping actually helped my healing process because my neuropathways would rewire while I slept. I'm glad I finally came around to the idea that naps are good.

When Healing Becomes Hustling

In the American culture, even healing has become a form of hustle.


"Track your triggers.
"

"Update your therapist.
"

"Reframe your thoughts."


"Practice gratitude.
"

"Post your breathwork session on social media.
"

"Have you tried Yin Yoga?"

We treat healing like it’s a linear path with benchmarks and gold stars. But anyone who’s truly done the work knows mental health and healing isn't linear. It’s cyclical. It's messy. Sometimes you revisit the same lesson from a deeper level of understanding. Other times, you just need there to not be a lesson at all. And it's all okay. Wisdom comes from being able to discern when the time is right for you to lean in, and it's time to step back.

This is your permission slip to not learn something today.

Take a Break from the Microscope

I believe in the examined life. I believe in emotional intelligence, accountability, and growth.
 That's how we build resilience.

But I also believe in healing at the pace of self-kindness.

You are allowed to close the journal. 
You are allowed to take a break from the microscope.
You are allowed to just be. Be messy, be uncertain, be unfinished.

If the body keeps the score, let it also keep rest.
 Let it keep laughter. 
Let it keep joy. 
Let it keep a quiet afternoon where nothing happens.

Because sometimes the most resilient thing you can do is say:


“Not today, trauma. I’m tired. I’ll try again tomorrow.”

And then go binge Netflix. 🙂